Archive for the ‘Thinkings’ Category

Plan Z

While watching Scrubs a few days ago I noticed a huge gap in information I’ve recorded. Its easy to find out my star sign or my favorite band, but would happen to me should I fall (and for me falling will be the most likely cause unless a cure for clumsiness is developed) into a coma? A patient on Scrubs asked for a song to be played once a day. And that got me thinking that as I may have some unusual requests, I better publish a list of instructions.

So in the event of the following tragedies occurring, this is what I want to happen;

Coma: Sunlight on my face at least once during the day, I would love if they could play some of the Shins, or Architecture in Helsinki while I was under (look at my top rated songs in iTunes for things to play – (note to self: make coma playlist). And please could someone brush my hair and make me look neat (which sounds silly now that I’ve written it and I don’t really know why I want that, I just do.) I really belive that visiting and talking to coma patients helps them out in some way, so if its not too depressing I wouldn’t mind some visitors.

Non Recovering Vegetive State: Switch me off, Ide rather the resources went to someone the doctors could help; Then see “Dead”.

Dead (Like a Can of Spam): Ide love to be buried and have a grave stone, but I understand that my become impossible soon, so my second preference would be to have my ashes released into space where they can float off and help form a star. Third preference would be to let me go at the beach, I really love beautiful beaches.

Please donate whichever organs are required first, I won’t be needing them any more. At my funeral I would rather the wearing of bright colours as opposed to black and I want pink finger buns, chocolate mousse and raspberries served at my wake.

I told my dear James what I was writing a moment ago, he gave me a concerned glance as if to say “why do you want to go into a coma for? Ide much rather you stuck around and annoyed me”. To that I reply that I really don’t want to go into a coma, a vegetive state or die. But its nice to know that someone will know what to do if I do.

A few days ago, a friend pointed me towards my death space, a small shrine to the dead via their mySpace pages. Until I read that page I wasn’t going to publish this. As I said before, I don’t want to die. But I don’t really believe in mySpace so this is all that will be left behind if I do. It’s a weird feeling, but I think ultimately a positive one. Makes me want to document more of myself in this place, makes me want to do this well.

The Princess Syndrome – or – My Rut

Last year, during my final semester of university, I lost the urge to do anything but play the sims and eat macaroni and cheese. This idleness still persists today, and I can’t for the life of me think of a definate cause.

Ive come to think of it as kind of a form of depression, it does often make me sad – Im the kind of person that likes purpose and direction on her life. But being sad isn’t at all the primary symptom.

My lack of motivation for almost all thinkgs that worries me the most. Some days I haven’t gotten out of bed just because I don’t really feel like doing anything. Projects I started months ago full of enthusiasm are permanently in their early stages because I don’t have the will to go back to them.
I don’t let it affect my work, not for motivation in my job but just because I know better. But Im still scared it might – I guess Im not that far gone.

A part of me thinks its complacentcy, life is good right now, I have a great job, a wonderfuly relationship with my boyfriend, I get along well with my parents. I call it the princess syndrome because there really is no reason for it, its the kind of affliction only a princess could get. Goodness all around but still wanting more. I feel so silly because of it.

A hare krishna girl in the city that it would be solved by the pressence of God in my life. Im mildly spiritual, I know what I believe is enough. My life is not Godless.

I read somewhere once that this is a common thing to go though as a newly formed worker bee straight from uni. Is it vain of me to think that what Im going though is even a little bit different. Or that if this was that common there would be infrastructure in place for preventing it?

This website is me proactively trying to find my own solution, my own diagnosis and my own cure. I force myself to write down anything I think may be interesting or helpful to others. And on this occasion Im open to the internet helping me. I have goals, wants and dreams and its about time I got around to actually doing something about them, Its about time I actually got out of my Rut and fif something. I just hope I actially do.

[EDITIED FOR SPELLING:3/4/2006]

Tonight is my Second Last Night Away

Away from the incredibly schizophrenic climate of Melbourne; the weather here in Iluka will be one of two options; warm and sunny & thunder-storming. The thunder storming option usually occurs at night, its fantastic.

Away from work; Ive done very little in the past two weeks, its been wonderful. A huge change from 9 to 6 ev-a-ree day at the coal mine.
A list of what I have done:

  • Woke up late most days.
  • Played lots of computerised Risk.
  • Gone swimming every day.
  • Somehow acquired a tan.

Away from long hair; I got my hair cut very short the day before we left. Most people haven’t seen it. I am particularly nervous about my Nana (Mums mum) seeing it, she liked my long hair; she may pull on my short hair until it goes long – she’s peculiar like that.

Away from 2006; Its a funny thing to say but being up here is like living in the past. The radio constantly plays pop songs that I loved to hate in my high school days, consequently I now know every word and sing along with glee. The internet is this strange thing that you see advertised in video stores. The ads on TV up here use effects that I haven’t seen used on television since 1995, it looks like the editor just learned to use Final Cut Pro and wants to show the world every effect possible.

Away from Google; its amazing to see just how much I depend on google for my day to day stupid questions about really obscure stuff. Stuff like “do potatoes store well?”, “how do you say ‘welcome to idiot town, population you’ in French” & “why did my iprecious’ right speaker just stop working”. I do in fact know actual people who could answer ALL of these questions for me, but I don’t want to be a bother.

Away from my jeans; at home I wear “jeans-and-a-tee-shirt” almost always. I did bring jeans, two pairs in fact, because jeans are one of the greatest inventions of the modern age. However, it is far too hot here to even contemplate anything that goes past my mid thigh, let alone my whole leg. So the lovely people of Iluka have had a GOOD LOOK at my legs, and they should count themselves lucky.

Away from a shower that I don’t have to crouch under to get my head wet; the bathroom here has a little bit to be desired. I’ve just taken that bit to be part of the holiday experience but oh-lordy am I going to drown myself, and my hair, when I get home. My first shower will be so long you’ll see a resulting effect on the amazon river.

So this little two week jaunt really has been a holiday, which also means it was awesome (time away does NOT count as a holiday unless it was an entirely positive experience). Im going to be a little sad to leave the totally perfect weather, the mild-reprieve from technology and the totally lazy days I’ve been having. But I have missed my cat, and my family. I’ve even missed my work a little, which means that Im insane when I get home I’ll appreciate home-life a little bit more. Not such a bad thing really.