Archive for the ‘Rants’ Category

The Mating Call of the Apple Computer

The first time I heard it I was in grade three, which would have made me about nine years old. It was a funny first impression; “what the hell was that? MY computer doesn’t do that…”, I wanted to capture and examine it, like a butterfly flitting past my field of vision.

I wasn’t allowed to use the machine un-supervised, one of the grade four boys sat next to me and helped me write out my story about the dinosaurs we saw at the museum. Rather indignantly I informed the boy that “I had a computer at home” and “I was better at computers” than he was. He told me that this particular computer “was special”.

Pissed off, I wrote out my dinosaur story, while the boy next to me pushed the caps lock key on and off. And although I liked how much prettier the “screens” were compared to my box at home, I figured the only really special thing about that computer was the small magical sound it made when you turned it on.

During the next ten years I became more and more familiar with the non-special varieties of computers. At thirteen I was a righteous little PC nerd, at sixteen was being teased at school for my knowledge.

My next real encounter with these “special” computers didn’t come until my final years of high school.
I was going out with a guy who lived up the road form an Apple store. I walked past it every time I went to visit him. Initially what interested me there was not the computers but these magical little things called iPods, I would go in there just to assure myself that they were as good as I thought they were, that I wasn’t making all this greatness up in my head. Preparing for the day when I would walk in there and buy one.

On one of these little visits I head it again. Like angels singing though the digital clouds of computer heaven. I thought “Yes, I remember this. It’s a special computer, it’s a Mac”.

After that day there was a special place in my heart for the macintosh, I was still a PC girl, but that was only because that was all I could afford. The call of the Apple never failed to snag my attention.

At uni I would hear it every day, it would mark the beginning of morning classes. And I would muse over what it was saying. In the morning it would be “Hello!”, during a bad day it would be a sympathetic “How-Are-You-Feeling?” or “Its-okay-things-arent-so-bad” and sometimes it would be “I-kick-your-PCs-arse-up-and-down-the-university-halls”.

I looked on enviously as others bought macs and were greeted by their very own personal chorus of digital birdsong. Then, for my twenty-first birthday my parents helped me buy a little bundle of iJoy of my own.

I had never been allowed a puppy, and I stole/rescued my pet cat from a neighbor. Id never had the experience of my own cute little animal to make friends with from the start. To follow me about or jump all over me when I got home. But opening up my iBook for the first time, I knew right then that I had found my missing furry friend.
Its cute little start up noise sounded just like; “I-Love-You”.

The chore of being a decently presented human being.

This morning, getting ready for work was less about preening myself to my natural perfection and more about picking the shirt that smelt the least offensive. Life is like that at the minute, being sick has halted my already unstable washing cycle at home. The clothes are all over the floor like teenagers drunk on cheap cask wine.

However please don’t get me wrong, I thoroughly enjoy being clean, freshly washed and ironed for work, or anytime really. And I am at my happiest when everything is in its place, neat little rows, folded, whatever. (Very characteristic of my star-sign apparently)

But actually DOING all this folding and ironing, well that is another matter entirely. I’ll rescue one top from the floor, maybe even two then get distracted by anything. ANYTHING, because its so much better than all this folding, cleaning and ironing.

In fact the only time where this statement is not true is when there are assignments due. I will clean the entire house just to get out of doing an assignment. (Which won’t be a problem any more thanks to all of this “graduation” business).

Once I even got distracted from cleaning by cleaning.
?Neither rooms were ever actually fully cleaned however.

So this morning while sniffing my clothes in a hurry because I leave myself about 9 minutes to get ready (sleep is much more important than clothing and breakfast), I ponder a solution to my problem. Is there a way I can fix this for myself, or better yet, mankind?

All the obvious things came to mind, a robotic cleaner, a human cleaner, cleaning up after myself and ignoring my obvious allergies to the process of actually cleaning, not moving more than two centimeters in an hour as to avoid any sweat or stink of even being created, convincing everyone that being grubby and unkempt is okay as long as you’ve got a great personality…

My favorite idea was designing clothes that put themselves in the washing machine and back in the cupboard because i’d love to see my jeans waling around by themselves, perhaps they could be my friends? Or my unholy army of the night? One of those would be great.

Either way, I couldn’t think of an actual plausible idea, (and it’d been 10 minutes) and I resigned myself to a smelly shirt and layered myself in “MOONGRASS” deoderant (Moongrass? There is no grass on the moon! But it sure smells nice…).

On another slightly related note. My shirts from Threadless arrived today (see here and here). Which gives me another TWO WHOLE DAYS to get my washing up to speed. SkinnyCorp (Honchos of Threadless) must be the coolest place on earth to work (appart from perhaps Google & Pixar).